i meant to update yesterday but didnt find the time. tuesday night after my alcohol abuse class, i got home and asked morgen what we'd be doing for the night. she said she didnt feel so well so she called the triage nurse, who reccomended we go to the hospital. so around 10pm we were put in a room where they were monitoring rileys heartbeat and running blood tests. and watching jerry springer. which was almost an event in itself. anyway, a highlight was when the nurse tried offering her a percocet. morgen looked her in the eye and said 'hey, i don't do pills, thanks.' haha. oh i cannot wait til he's born. the whole ride to the hospital i was hoping that they'd induce her or something. when we drove home, (everything was ok), morgen asked me if i wanted her to buy me a beer (didnt get the stimulus til last night @midnight). as sweet as that was, i looked and it was 1:58am. there wouldve been no time. meh.
my day off inlcuded getting new tires on candice, finding a great dive bar, cleaning the apartment, and grocery shopping. then around 9 jyle and natasha came over for dinner. turkey tacos. they were splendid.
tonight, i have to accompany morgen to make an appearance at nick+lindas apartment, their having a passion party. ugh. lame. oh yeah, durt leaves tuesday for chandler, where he'll spend the rest of his days until the 3rd when he gets shipped off. fuck. no other words. just fuck.

remind me to write about what happened at work today, k? thanks livejournal. tomorrows plans will have to be shelved and saved for another day. i need to catch up with the stu. im sure my brakes can be heard for miles around. morgen got a ticket for her expired tags. shit. tonight, class then probably drinking in some form or another. tomorrow, nothing. then dinner. were trying french fried cactus. should be interesting. i have to leave, i'm out of cigarettes and have a ton of traffic to go sit in. ha, and i thought i wouldnt type too much in todays entry.

its monday. which is usually my day to do next to nothing at work. and today, was no exception. im getting addicted to the fill in crossword puzzles. damnit. tonight, pizza at my parents house. tomorrow, work then my alcohol abuse class. oh i almost forgot, i met the probation officer i was assigned to from the start (i kept getting tossed around because she was out on maternity leave), and she is pretty fucking cool. as cool as she is though i hope im not on probation too much longer. ugh.

its mothers day. and i realize. 

pessimism will always weigh down my optimistic heart.

i got a single silver bullet shot right through my heart, to prove i can survive without you.
can i?
my mind is racing a mile a minute. i'd blame it on not eating anything today (sans two chocolate chip cookies) but in reality i dont think thats it. blame it on adhd, but seriously, im shaking. a half hour before i leave work i wouldnt normally smoke a cigarette (i try to conserve), but i had to. i thought itd help. it didnt. speaking of which, a pack i got last night around 8ish is almost gone, thanks to the bumming out to cheech and durt. ugh. i've been a big fan of Rene Magritte since i did a project on him senior year, and now im thinking i'm going to get a tattoo inspired by his painting 'Cut-Glass Bath'. its of a giraffe standing in what looks like a wine glass. in part becasue i love his art, and in part because a lot of rileys stuff is giraffe related. i even painted him one at As You Wish back in february. Against Me! is a band i'm intersted in delving more into. what i've heard is really good. because its been on my mind all day, heres a list of cds (sans a track or so) that i cant stop listening to lately. all the way through:
.kanye west graduation sans 'Drunk and Hot Girls'
.the hush sound goodbye blues sans 'Intro'
.tegan and sara the con
.Modest Mouse we were dead before the ship even sank sans 'Steam Engenius'
i have honestly listened to those 4 cds over and over again these past few months. those, what i have of Royksopp (from the Geico commercial, yeah ha), and the thirty-three tracks of Alkaline Trio on the ipod. im not stuck in a musical rut or anything, i just cant get enough.
and hey, thank you. seriously. it made my morning.

the shins are pretty good. having to be at work at 830 in the morning isnt. but i do get to sit on my ass most of the day. tomorrow *as in most saturdays* i'm playing receptionist while ours has a day off. tonight? not sure yet. jyles off to havasu with natasha, amwake is out of school and looking for something to do, bert said to call her. i think. and cheech and durt are always free to hang out. guh, they need to get jobs. all three of em. little dude included. livejournal i think is starting to bore me, theres never anything really new on here. no one updates all that much. no one comments all that much. all i have to occupy my wandering mind is reading random peoples old journal entries. that makes me a lurker, doesnt it?

damnit.

kevin lundstrom is a whiny bitch. we used to date, and then i realized how incredibly frustrating of a person he was to be around. then we met every now and again, my call, for some friskin around. now that he's left to UofA for college, i see i cant stand him anymore. at all. this is what happens...

( this shit is bananas )
spent the night in last night, it wasnt bad. except for our shit dvd player not wanting to show the second half of Garden State. tonight grants coming to clean our carpets (ugh that damn dog). and then movie night at jyles probably. i need to calm down.

ugh. i cut my ring finger pretty bad today at work. i think im gonna need a stitch or two. and oh god does this song remind me of last year. the ford edge, the constant drinking. tony. anyway, with stimulus coming up, and a paycheck that should be higher than normal, i'm gonna take care of a few things. candice sounds like she's hurtin. some metal on metal grinding on the front driver side. thats really bad. morgen will have been pregnant for about 36 weeks on friday. i cant believe its been that long already. it seems like we just found out yesterday. (in reality it was oct12th.) hanging with bert and jyle tonight, possibly little dude crashin at my place, (my dad wants us to mow bates' lawn tomorrow). but really mo and i have a doctors appointment and then i gotta see my p.o. why cant this day at work go any faster?

it was amazing. and durt missed it. katie wanted to go. and so, i'll probably see it again.

(this picture is a year old, but proves the point. mhm)

oh the things i do for my sisters. drivin across town for a show. done.
seeing iron man afterwards. oh its happening. a beer or two? maybe. we'll see how the night plays out. but im so ready for this movie. mhm.

remember when we used to be happy?
remember how the days seemed to drag and we never seemed to mind?
remember thinking we were so young?
remember what its like to meet each day with optimism?
do you?
remember?

hey your the only thing i wouldnt change in this place
old job. old picture. he's still my best friend. i wouldnt have it any other way.

damn, its been awhile. not a whole lots happened to necessitate an update. but, in keeping with keeping up. here it is. tonight i start my alcohol abuse classes again tonight. 730p-930p. $20 each tuesday. for 18 weeks. pete yorn has been poppin up a lot on the ipod lately. got the crib set up. almost ready for riley. sans the whole middle name part. that i havent figured out yet. been watching a lot of entourage lately. the show is amazing. tomorrow, ben and daniel are going back home. i was telling morgen i felt torn about how i feel about it. like, their cramping jyles personal space *without helping with rent*, but then again their fun and cool to hang out with. hmm. so tonight, work til 640, drive, substance abuse class til 930, change clothes, then go. ha. cedric reference. jyles, and tomorrow off. so. yeah. i think im set.

p.s. i wish my shoes didnt smell. i need new ones.

http://www.msnbc.msn.com/id/24132681/?GT1=43001 this is interesting.
what. a. fuckin. week.
to top it off, as soon as i get off of work, i get to go see all the stuff morgen got for the baby shower. my son is gonna be one pimp mofo.

damnit. i meant to post something today. but now, i cant. i have to go.

Will you tell me what you saw and I'll tell you what you missed,
when the ocean met the sky. i'd like to see this.
.i've been listening to a lot of Modest Mouse lately.
.i'm tired of being so in debt i cant see the end.
.i'm never tired of proving i'm up for the fight.
.But even if we had been sure enough it's true we really didn't know
different song^, but i'm feelin em both and all of them at the same time. hm.

i had a relatively productive day yesterday. built four tables, got my daily checklist done. and before i knew it, my shift was up. went grocery shopping with morgen. and, not exactly for the first time ever but still, i felt riley move. she took my hand and put it on her stomach, and wow. it was something else. he's a mover and a shaker. we tried playing clue at my parents house with cheech and durt, but not before bbq rib + seasoned fries whilst watching sex and the city. it was all good and fun, until cheech was done playing. you could tell durt wanted to see it through to the end, but there was no hope. he was disappointed. i felt terrible. tonight, im watching the d-backs and the rockies while drinking a margarita at zips with kelly. should be fun.

You're only coming out because you came back in

as i read through all the old entries, i never really did bring up my sexuality, did i? huh. weird. not that its of great importance to anyone but myself, i am a bisexual. yep, like both boys and girls. i posted that lyric because its from an amazing song, and i dont care who you are. listen to it. i was inspired to do this because i read a friends 'coming out' letter posted in his lj, and wow. it must have been hard. for me, i think everyone kinda knew.

grants birthday.bar-b-que.d-backs game.sex&thecity.
thats my night tonight.

clue last night at the parents' house was good fun. im suprised my brother, as high as he was, got it before any of us did. stupid mrs white. goin back over there tonight for pizza and to watch the diamondbacks home opener. wednesday i need to restart my alcohol abuse classes, i just hope its not too much money. i barely have any to get me through til the 18th.

what a strange, strange place im in. not literally, theoretically.
i've been rereading all my old posts. and its strange. i dont remember being that version of myself. thats not saying i have any grasp of who i am now. ugh, kevin's always told me my style of writing is 'fluff' and 'cryptic'. then so be it. because when i look back at this, i'll know exactly what i was talking about. i think. for the better half of 2005 i was in constant turmoil over my love life. well turmoil and praise. i still cant decide which im in now.

+but it is nice talking more, and getting to know someone better.