Durt is gone. I am heartbroken.
I couldn't stop hugging him goodbye last night. I didn't want to. Yes, I know he'll come back, but the shit end of the deal is him having to go away first. I know this'll probably come off ridiculously overdramatic, but that's all. I have nothing more to post today.

So not so much a false alarm, more of false hope last night. Morgen thought maybe. Yeah she's only 37 weeks but for some pregnancies, that's far enough, right? Last night was Durts' "Going Away Party". Yes, he's only going to the other side of the PHX but still, I don't see a reasonable, plausible way to see him between when he goes home, and when he ships off. Drank too much, again. I know, if your never met me and only see whats written here, I probably seem like an unyeilding alcoholic. Not true. That's what i used to be. This weekend was just a rarity. Today was definitely Senses Fail day on the iPod. I'm still pretty serious about getting Follow Your Bliss tattooed somewhere on me. I tore my pants this morning, ducked out of work to get some BK and had a 'picnic' with Mo watchin The Office. I love that damn show. This entry seems really forced. ugh. Tonight, pizza, then home for a movie and some cuddle action goin on. Tomorrow, I hope I'm more productive at work then i was today, guh i was lazy.

hey your the only thing i wouldnt change in this place
old job. old picture. he's still my best friend. i wouldnt have it any other way.

i had a relatively productive day yesterday. built four tables, got my daily checklist done. and before i knew it, my shift was up. went grocery shopping with morgen. and, not exactly for the first time ever but still, i felt riley move. she took my hand and put it on her stomach, and wow. it was something else. he's a mover and a shaker. we tried playing clue at my parents house with cheech and durt, but not before bbq rib + seasoned fries whilst watching sex and the city. it was all good and fun, until cheech was done playing. you could tell durt wanted to see it through to the end, but there was no hope. he was disappointed. i felt terrible. tonight, im watching the d-backs and the rockies while drinking a margarita at zips with kelly. should be fun.

i have a splitting headache. which, by the way has nothing to do with how much i drank last night. ok. it probably does. ugh. why is everyone wanting to hang and have a few on nights when i HAVE to be at work in the morning? meh, i'll power through the rest of the shift. think im leaving at 7ish. then swimming at the apartments with mo. then...nothing. im not doin anything tonight but watching M*A*S*H and relaxing. durt ships out on june 3rd. that really really sucks. he's leaving before san diego. before riley is born. before. before i want him to. i sing to him all the time when were hanging out, just little tidbits of shit lettin em know im gonna miss him. my hetero lifemate. for the rest of my shift im gonna smoke less, eat a hot pocket, and hopefully seem really productive.

ugh, making a mix cd seems to be a lot harder than it used to be. i have tonight off and tomorrow cheech and i are going to see durt in chandler. appearantly he lives like 2 streets away from tony. hm. no matter i have to drop morgen off at work at 8, get cheech, pay my first payment to GlendaleCityCourt in a long time, then head to chandler for durty memories haha. then thursday friday saturday=work. everyday of my life=an endless struggle to be content.